For the last week I've been doing a ton of "yard work." Mostly though, I've just been intending to do yard work, and then conveniently getting sidetracked so as to avoid it. Thursday and Friday though...I actually busted it out. Raking, Grub-exing, weeding, the whole shebang...and now, on Saturday...I still can't seem to lift my shoulders. My fingers are permanently curled as if around a trowel of some sort.....(the perfect pose to still type...how convenient!)
Today I thought I'd change things up a bit...I moved inside To painting!
Love/Hate...that is my relationship with the paint...I love the transformation...I love the calm....HATE THE QUIET....the time that is just there! I turned on the radio. Didn't work. Called the BFF...can't talk and paint at the same time...missed her beyond belief...became horribly depressed...hung up....painted in the quiet some more. Tried to "take every thought captive." Seriously, I know its biblical and all...but HOW...that's what I want to know...HOW, do you keep your mind from wandering....
My mind wanders all over the map....like Forrest Gump on his cross country run! And to keep getting it in check, I had to keep doing other things that distracted me from the quiet....which in turn took me away from the painting...so here it is, 11 pm, and I am not as far along as I had hoped I would be...BECAUSE I HOPED I'D BE DANG DONE! But, like Scarlett O'Hara always says..."tomorrow is another day."
Tomorrow I think I may move back to yard work....more avoidance there....
While sitting here, I just realized that I totally forgot where I was going with this whole thing....it started with the yard work, moved to painting....I think it was about keeping busy and the value of not being idle that I was intending to get to, but suddenly....I'm starting to think that the key to facing things we don't want to face....is not to keep busy, not to sit and dwell, but to just look at them...in their entirety, live the emotions of them, grieve the changes, value the things that still are and just BE in it...live it, in the best way that we can. Eventually whatever it is that is consuming today, will be something to look back on and say.....those were fricken messed up days.....or were they?
Saturday, April 26, 2008
....or were they?
Posted by the laundress at 7:33 PM
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5 comments:
You just needed me there to help speed things along, to bad I was busy cleaning up from my own house project. I think painting ended up being theraputic for you too!!
yeah...it was...kinda...NOT...i needed you here to speed things along and to keep me from needing therapy, lmbo...
what's wrong with therapy?!!?
ahahhahahhaha.....lmao.
Yard work is very overwhelming to me too. One way I have found to deal with it is to allow my self to obsess about whatever I want while I am doing the mindless task of weed pulling. It works pretty well - indulging my obsessive thoughts while being productive - then I don't feel the need to burden others with by obsessive thinking (at least not too much)!
my friends here all wish i would do that...hahahahahahha
i obsess alone and then all over again when we are together!
...and honestly, YOU having obsessive thoughts? Actually more disconcerting is the idea of you doing yard work...that kind of makes me laugh....I'd love to see your house!
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