SHADY

Noah: Mom, what does "shady" mean?

Me: What do you think it means buddy?

Noah: Dad says you're shady....because you don't do things that you should. I know what that means. You stay in bed and don't fix your small children breakfast.

Me: ahhahahahahahha....well, that's not exactly shady, just lazy...and I'm trying to teach you patience and responsibility. AHAHAHHAHHAHAH.

Noah: Dad said you're shady because you laugh at God. But I told him you laugh at everybody.

Me: That's true, I do laugh alot...but not at people.....and definitely not at God. I prefer to think of all the stuff I laugh about as laughing with people...even God I think. What do you think?

Noah: Well, you're still in bed...and I'm not laughing....and I'm hungry...so I just think you're being shady again!

Me: AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

Dreamers

Dreamers. There are two types I think.

There are those people who dream about goals and achievements. These can be financial goals, physical goals, career goals, status goals. Mostly these goals and dreams are in some way physically tangible. There can be a sense of checking off the list and moving on to the next one.

Then there are those people whose dreams are based more relationally. I have heard these people described as "Utopian" thinkers and dreamers. These people do not have goals so much as visions of how things, mostly relationships, will be or could/should look. They don't have to be personal relationships, but lots of times about how people engage with one another and live in community together. They can be personal too. These dreamers cannot usually check things off a list.

I have great admiration and respect for the first group of dreamers. I love the idea of attaining something that I have worked hard for....or finishing something that I have started. For the most part, I never have. (That's a thought for a different day)

I fall into the second category. Recently, I believe a dear friend kindly referred to my thinking and dreaming as delusional. Oddly, I wasn't offended. The friend was right. Lots of the delusional dreams that I have in respect to relationships, both personal and on larger scale, will never play out the way I see them in my head and feel them in my heart. This, I have come to realize, is because Utopian dreams, as they relate to people, take far more effort emotionally than lots of people are willing to invest. They also require mammoth proportions of blind faith and gut instinct, and in today's world, most of us need tangible evidence and guarantees and mapped out plans, before we hang ourselves out there emotionally or personally.

I'm not sure why I feel like I need to write about this today....I am not making a comparison between the two types of dreamers as a judgement in any way. It is just a reminder for me I suppose, that while the kinds of dreams that I can push for and believe in, are not always going to play out neatly. The kinds of delusional dreams I have going on depend in large part on others with similar delusions buying in....and risking.

I guess I am comparing the two in some way. Because I am also sitting here wishing I had a list today with some things I could check off, or write off...and try as I might...I can't conjure one up. Well, that's not totally true either...I can conjure it...(with a little eye of newt, and old hag's cackle) but I can't check the things (or people) off.