About the whole bursting into tears thing from my last post...yeah...seriously..what is up with that. I have been mulling this over for the past few days for a myriad of reasons. Which include, but are not limited too the fact that only a day or two later I was accused of being "tough and hard," by someone who thought I needed to be crying!
Honestly...in recent weeks I have begun to look a little deeper into what makes me tick, why, and how that all comes together for me. I don't really know for sure if this is even a worthwhile endeavor or if I'm being incredibly self-absorbed, but right now, it seems like a healthy inventory to be taking. The whole, "whats on the inside eventually shows on the outside" idea is freakin me out a little, so hence...the looking in!
Back to the "crying"....which seems to be some kind of gauge for internal health...(per my sister). I have realized that in situations that overwhelm lots of people, big stuff...earthshaking life events...I'm way more pragmatic...I can see a bigger picture beyond what is immediatly shaking the foundations of life...hence, my lack of tears during my divorce!
But, let me look on and see or watch or hear people whom I love experience those lifeshaking events...well, for them my heart breaks and I weep. I am moved to tears when I love deeply and relationally....and I am totally ok with that.
I don't need to freak out and cry when other people think I should....and yeah, I can be a little bit hard, but not "hardened." There is a huge difference. The other thing about crying that I really want to tell the "emotion" judger from the other night....I look like hell when I cry, I don't like to cry...it exhausts me, it is not fun on any level.....unless it is the kind of crying that happens with a few "close" friends that includes deep inner purging mingled with laughter at the whole drama of it.....
....PS: I do recognize that the whole reason I am compelled to write about this has much to do with the "judgers" comment...but I'm seeing that as a good thing that spurred me to evaluate some stuff, and gain perspective.....
Monday, April 14, 2008
...About that
Posted by the laundress at 7:35 PM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
i don't think you were trying to make me laugh, but it's freaking one am, and you are making me laugh and cry all at the same time!!
Girl I know exactly what your talking about. Sometimes I hate how emotional I can be over someone elses pain. I'm pretty emotional about my own though too.
That's me to a "T". But I've never thought of it that way. I don't cry about personal things because I can look ahead and see the bigger picture. But because like you, I love so deeply, that when it's happing to someone I love, my heart is broken and the tears flow.
Good stuff.
Our emotions and how we express them are at the very heart of us and it hurts a whole dang lot when we are judged at that level. I know. I've been there. And because of my weakened state the judging led me to seriously doubt everything about myself. It was a horrible thing and finally the Lord gave me peace that I was ok. That I feel things the way I am supposed to feel things. I cry when I need to and I have great perspective when I need it and it's all His grace. If someone wants to call that Grace denial, then whatever. I don't have to buy it.
You be you. You deal with this the way you deal with it. Just do it with God and it will all be good.
God bless you through this.
...kay..thanks for the words of kindness...and rest assured, I am all about JUST BEING ME....i'd just rather be me without so much dang crying! It is seriously NOT pretty!
Post a Comment