....more ?'s

This could go one of two ways today. There is a list brewing in my head, a list of life questions, heart questions, a few random queries. OR, I could begin to unpack some stuff that I read last night...some stuff that will require me to face some unpacking and then repacking but differently.

I'm not sure I am ready to unpack, and repack....I think I am going to sidestep that a little longer...actually, not sidestep, but really prepare myself to face some harsh reality....its too yucky out today to do that I think...it might be scary today, if, as Ann Lamott says, "all of my fears and uncertainties pull up chairs beside me and try and sit quietly in a semicircle around my computer...breathing and leering...and waiting..."

So then my list:

A. Am I honestly pursuing the right career path...some kind of education? Elementary or secondary?

B. What kind of jobs are there for "communication" majors? Two people told me that the possibilities are endless...which sounds too utopian to me.

C. Why can't life turn out the way I think it should? Why can't everyone just be happy?

D. Where is that country that wants happiness as part of its constitution?

E. Why do my kids always need to "poop" the minute I get in the tub? And why don't they use one of the other 2 bathrooms?

F. Why do I still long to talk to "he who must not be named?" Why do I fight to not text or e-mail him?

G. Why does Target have to have a computer F*** up the day my mom is here, and call my house and say that my account is delinquent? Three days after they posted my HUGE ASS payment?

H. Why does my ex have a housekeeper? Seriously...why does one person need a housekeeper? There is no one else living there but him...and his creepy dog? How dirty can that place get?

I. What makes some people bitter and hard? Why don't they see and hear?

J. Why is it still fun to drink a beer and talk to my friend online, even if shes not here....and how is it that we can laugh so hard when life seems so messed up?

In reality, I don't think there are answers to any of these questions...which makes them all the harder to feel like asking...I'm going to start carrying a notepad with me, and begin jotting down all the questions that I have as they arise in the course of my days....

....and another list of all the answers I have for other peoples questions, ahhahahha, I just realized that I usually think I have those!