POSSIBILITIES

November 22, 2007 - Thursday

It would be a lie from the pit of hell to say that this day is easy. I had planned on it being no big deal...to do the whole thing as planned, dinner with my mom, kids there and then with Mark later.

But when I woke up this morning I remembered alot of things that make this day special to other people. People that were once such a huge part of my life....and some that still are. Snuggling and watching parades....lazy mornings. Driving to Thanksgiving listening to Christmas music. All of those things that make the day special to them. And I realized that I had the ability to try and make those things happen, at least to some extent for them. So I put my plans to the side, and my pride and my comfort and my self righteous indignation...and my belief that in some way the day will get screwed up.....
So I have some time now to just be here and make my stuff for dinner, in a fairly quiet house....sans elsa and noah...and it has hit me...that I miss some of those things too. Those things were part of what was good. I think its ok to miss them, and to admit that I miss them. I wish I was making a huge dinner in a huge yellow house that seemed to hold soo many possiblities.....
This afternoon is filled with new possibilities....dreams for the future, people that I love and are dear to me to enjoy and laugh with....I don't want the loss of the old possibilities to keep me from enjoying today...and from dreaming of something different. And I'm not going to pretend that part of me doesnt miss what could have been.

Happy Thanksgiving