more than enough

December 9, 2007 - Sunday

....wow...when I sat down to write this, my mind was racing in one direction...and then Noah came down, bleery and sleepy with tears in his eyes with one thing on his mind. Hugging me and saying sorry for all his bad behaviour! Of course he followed it up with the excuse of ..."well the girls just are always playing with each other, and don't they know that I'm just a little boy that wants someone to play with me."
In that moment I knew exactly how he felt. I've been crying that excuse to myself for a while now. Mine sounds more like..."dont they know there is only one of me...I'm just a single mom trying to do the best I can and I just want someone, some grown up, to talk to, to spend time with...and yes to share my life with." The thing is though, that for Noah and for me....we both need to learn how to be ok when its just us. Just me by myself. And just because I feel like life isnt fair or fun or what I want right now, doesnt give me any excuse to have bad behaviour or a bad attitude. My kids and my friends certainly don't deserve to bear the brunt of my frustration and angst. When Noah wants attention from the girls he becomes annoying to get it. I so do not want to become like that.
This morning I was reminded in a song that more than anything God needs to be more than enough....more than all I want, or all that I need....He needs to be my everything. 6 hours after praying for Him to be all of that, I have already tried to crowd other things into that place.
So now, I will listen to the encouragement I gave to Noah. I will just keep praying for Him to help me change my behaviour, my attitude and to help me to not do or say the things that annoy or exhaust the people that love me most. I will pray, probably moment by moment for Him to be more than enough for me.