The wait

....and now we wait. I hate waiting. Who really does like it..seriously...is anyone really productive while they wait? Are we really changed in the process of waiting? What it the real point of waiting? (all rhetorical!)

The only good thing that can come from waiting for me, is that while I wait, I have to find something to get my mind off whatever it is I'm waiting on....and to do that I usually have to find something to laugh about.....and today I learned that I had passed on that absolutely AMAZING gene to my daughter.

While we began our wait, yesterday actually...her sister and friend began to make macabre jokes at her expense while she waited on the couch for the first round of test results. Patronizing her extreme case scenarios about what if its this?....with responses like....I'm sure if it was "that" your stomach would have already imploded and you'd be poopin way more than blood out your "arse!"
(For whatever reason, just saying the word "arse" makes them all laugh, which in turn makes me laugh...so, that's all good)

In the office today at her 8:15 appointment, Sav took great pleasure in taking and sending pictures of me, whilst I SLEPT in the ever so comfortable straight back chair.....she was puzzled by my innate ability to drop off to sleep in such a place...she has yet to learn about the coping mechanism called "escape!" As a mom of five, I learned it early.

After the Dr. came in and had asked all her questions and had moved on to the "exam", which somehow took Sav by surprise....hahahhahahahahah....the doc was puzzled by the strange green hue to the "sample" she had extracted from the "arse"....mother and child exchanged looks and then proceeded to laugh so hard we had trouble articulating to the vegan doc that Sav had helped herself to a serving bowl of BLUE MOON ICE CREAM.....at a friends house the night before...the results of which were in her swab!

Next on the agenda was a trip home with some lab vials...and by some I mean 8! A large sample was necessary....and since the 17 year old has been touting her near adulthood and impending legal rights to make her own choices and decisions as an adult....I, her mother chose to take this opportunity to let her handle things as an independent adult...and by handle I mean...get your own saran wrap and plastic spoon and divvy things up amongst your vials! Again....way too much laughter as she sifted through her specimen....pointing out all the things that she had enjoyed for dinner the night before with glee!

After the exhausting collection process, we both crawled into my bed and proceeded to drop off into deep sleep like a couple of narcoleptics....only to be awakened by our own snoring, numb arms, and drool! And gnawing hunger....it was in fact almost 1 o'clock. Sav was mesmerized by the fact that once I'm awake, I'm a regular mexican jumping bean of energy....quite the contrast to my lethargy in the earlier hours of the day....and I was dragging her along to get moving and out the door...the promise of a trip to Panera and Cold Stone the key motivators!

While having lunch her dad called. Her placating tone spoke volumes to me...and when she hung up, her exasperation turned to howls of laughter as she explained his summation of her current condition. "She needs to lay off the fat free cool whip....(apparently a known cause of internal bleeding.....NOT). She also needs to not exercise so much....a "light" walk is the healthiest thing you can do to stay in shape! Coming from a man who appears to have auditioned for an upcoming roll as the new Pillsbury Doughboy! (her words, not mine)

Even as we wait now for the results from the firmly packed vials....and prepare for more tests next week...she is able to laugh at what is to come....the prospect of "clear" stools....and waking up in a recovery room filled with old men, all flatulating in hopes of early release.....she is certain that she can put them all to shame.....QUITE THE LITTLE LADY I have raised......

For her, I will attempt to wait with grace, not worry. For her I will attempt to wait with patience and not fear. For her and with her I will laugh, as we wait.....together.