so...now that the Clos du Bois is gone, and the house is quieter still...I am facing more questions or thoughts...
If this life is really a journey or pilgrimage, do we have a choice in the matter...or more specifically, why is it that I feel likeI don't have a choice? I feel like I want to be on vacation, a tourist, so why is it that i feel I cant't be? I know that I am not the only person who feels like this...I talked to a friend today who claimed to feel the same way....and she also fights it. Sometimes i just want to blend in, to be unknown by anyone. Is that just because of the events in my life I wonder? Sometimes I just want to be in a place where no one knows anything about me...sometimes I wish I didn't care. About anything.
That feels awful to say outloud...and a little negative (ahahhhhhah..a LITTLE) but seriously, how can some people not CARE about a bigger picture...about making a difference? And why can't I? Part of me just wants to BE! Now that really feels awful...and selfish....
....and another thing I wish I could do something about. I want to help the people that I love most in this world. I desperately want them to be HAPPY! I want their lives to be filled with love and purpose. Mostly I just want all of them to be here...living those lives with me!
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Random Selfishness
Posted by the laundress at 8:17 PM
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3 comments:
I found your comment on my mom's feathered nest blog and was curious about you so I blog hopped. I really have related to your feelings about questions and feelings about this life. I just want you to know that I get so overwhelmed by the conditions of this World and the inhabitants of it. But at the end of the day I know exactly where I came from (and I don't mean Portland Oregon) why I am here and where I am going. The peace and love I have in my life is overwhelming. I would love to share more with you if you feel like something is missing. I belong to the LDS church and owe all my happiness to Christ. I hope you can find answers to your questions and the peace you need.
Lindsey
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
love you gurl.
Laundress, I was so suprised to find my daughter's comment on your post today! Your posts obviously touched both our hearts. You said in your first entry that you are a single mom and you remind me of my first daughter when she was single. She has since remarried to a wonderful man who said "I do" to her and her three children. God moves in mysterious ways. Walk with Him and He will never fail to walk with you:)
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