People are Messy

A friend said once that "people are messy...people are just messy". She was referring to the difficulty that comes with navigating differences in friendships and the heartache that ensues when you bear one anothers burdens.
Tonight I have a little different, more jaded, view of that saying. People are messy because people are inconsiderate, mean, spiteful, rude beyond any social recognition, they are self absorbed, self seeking, they can be twisted and cruel and they have the innate ability to excuse their inexusable behaviour by blaming it on others.

I am exhausted but sleep will not come. Something is changed inside my head and I fear also my heart. In the cold light of morning I think I will not be able to curb what is in my head and heart and it will come out on my tongue. The part that frightens me most about that is that I dont believe I will have a moments remorse. I am DONE with propriety. I am physically sick of keeping things inside and saying the kinder things. I am tired of being more concerned about how other people feel or how they will feel if I say what they need to hear. I am tired of dancing around issues, avoiding the heart of the matter, and leaving things hanging and unsaid.

I have started to seriously consider things that I vowed would never happen. I am so tired of every area and every issue and I want change. I have always been passionate about people, about friendship, relationships, acquaintances, ...having an open door, open counter, and open heart. Tonight they are closed. Tomorrow they will be closed. I have no interest in opening up again.

People are messy....indeed they are!