Foment

Most days I am certain that I know myself. My strengths, weaknesses, flaws, and "features", but today...not so much. Today I am feeling pummeled by emotions and thoughts that seem to be not mine.And by pummeled I mean...I can't fricken get away from them. The BFF told me I needed to take a brisk walk.

Check.

Then I decided to do some shopping...(that's something she does).

Check.

Nap.

Check

Oh, yeah, I forgot...in the middle of doing all those things...I have been praying....as pathetic as it may seem to God currently....it hasn't really been like deep, reverent prayer, but much more akin to, "help me get away from this stuff...I don't like it, want it....I don't understand it...". I feel like a a dog, frantically trying to chew off a collar, or porcupine needles from its nose...as hard as they try, they just can't get it off or out. Mostly I don't really know where it's all coming from either, which makes me even more flummoxed.

So, here I sit....out of sorts, off kilter....and a wee bit emotionally unstable! NICE!

Then I was reading, and learned a new word. Foment. It means to take a cloth dipped in warm water or medication and apply it to a body that needs healing. Actually foment means poultice...but that's what you do with it. That's exactly what I feel like I need tonight. I just want God or someone to foment my currently "un-me" effed up mind, and emotions and I want to just "BE"!

I want to be all the things that I like about me...sanguine, Pollyanna, trusting, open, holding nothing back.....I wish I wasn't a conflict avoider....I wish I had the "calls" to just speak out loud to people that don't really know me....for right now....i really wish I had a poultice!