Reclaiming

In recent days, or perhaps weeks, I have stopped some things that have been routine for me. In the process, I am now finding myself not feeling so much like me. Today it occurred to me, that this may be in large part, because of the things that I am NOT doing, as opposed to some of my more worrisome thoughts, that it because of the things that I AM doing.

I have not read much of anything that makes me think. Oh, I have glossed over some morning Bible passages...GLOSSED OVER being the operative phrase. I feel like I am reading but not thinking.....just monotone in my head, close the book...and off. Same goes for the couple of books that I was into. Nothing. Blah. I need some new material. I need to spend some time at Barnes and Noble...or some really good suggestions. I want a great novel that I can lose myself in and fall in love with the characters and feel a part of their lives. (Not, like creepy, "fall in love", like in Harlequin Romances, but just find some community of friends between the pages) I need something that makes me think and dream outside of the box too. Something real....like Anne Lamotte...but maybe someone new.

Since I have been out of school, I have also found myself not writing as much. This I know is because I am avoiding writing about things I know I should be writing about. Things and life that might actually be of value to someone besides me. But the problem with that is, I don't really want that to be what I have to say. Although I have no idea what I actually think I do have to say....I got not a lot else currently. Just the one thing that keeps nagging at me. (my avoidance factor is kicking in big time on this, but now I'm feeling like I'm running on fumes in my quest to avoid it).

Finally, the gym. Or the trail. Or the bike. Or the floor. Or actually anything that has anything at all to do with getting off my PHASS and moving! I can whine and complain all day about this....but ultimately, all my whining only makes me more pissy! (because I hate whiners)

I'm not quite sure what to do about all of this. Taking action and taking charge of myself again might perhaps be a great start. Becoming proactive about my own life....no one is going to make me happy forever if I am not happy with myself. Slowing in the course of my afternoon, which has been far to introspective and self abasing...I have started to see the light again....on the path in front of me....I hope I know where that path is leading....and as it twists and turns I want to enjoy and soak in every second of it.

Tomorrow.....I'm reclaiming myself tomorrow!